I have surrendered the life and future of my sweet Gabrielle many times over.
I have released dreams and relinquished expectations.
I have placed my trust in Jesus.
In a way, I think deep down, I always felt like I was settling for something less good.
A less desirable life for my daughter, not just a different one.
A more difficult life for my daughter, filled with struggles and overcoming, perhaps even dependency.
A more difficult life for me.
Sure it was His plan, but did I really believe it was perfect and better than my own?
How could living with half a brain, limited vision, and one arm, possibly be best?
I wanted to avoid the pain, struggle, and difficulty, of having a daughter with special needs.
But God took me to a place where he stripped me naked of everything I knew and understood to be true.
A place where I could no longer trust myself and the ways of the world….
Until I finally saw that His way is the only way.
He wanted me to give up everything and follow Him.
He wanted to know I loved Him enough to let go of the stuff, even the people, I held most dear.
In the deepest and darkest of valleys, I finally saw myself for the completely powerless, imperfect, control freak that I am.
I let Him take the wheel.
The ways of Jesus are simple, but certainly not easy.
Would I love Him enough to let go?
Would I love Him enough to trust Him with my daughter’s future?
We celebrated 5 years seizure-free on September 14, 2014.
Deep inside, I know that the thieving seizure monster can return at any moment.
I will not live in fear.
God is in complete control of everything and He is good. All of His plans serve a higher purpose.
My awareness of this reality is what motivates me to shower the Lord with thankfulness and appreciate the many joy-filled days we’ve received.
I am quite sure I have never understood the Lord’s astonishing ways more than I do right now.
Just to watch her learn and understand this world is an absolute privilege.
She is almost swimming and faces waves fearlessly with a boogie board in her right arm.
She is reading at grade level.
Her fine motor skills have improved tremendously.
She is counting to 100!
She is conquering hurdles left and right.
I wonder how much must be taken away for us to find joy in what we’ve been given?
She is happy.
She’s stubborn to a fault.
She is positively content in the shoes God has called her to walk in.
I cannot imagine my life with a Gabby any different or “better”.
She is exactly what I needed. She is precisely what this world needed.
She tests and boosts my faith in ways I never imagined.
She reminds me daily of His never-failing faithfulness.
God is good.
His ways are always perfect.